George,

#1: NO auto-posting (bots); this echo is for humans; if you can fully understand these rules, you are likely human.

I set up the Today In History program to post "Today's Blooper", but
they change out every day of the year. It's similar to data in the
various echoes that cover puns, Bible verses, weather history, QWK
Taglines, and random quotes.

#1: We only roast the ones we love

Never mind the joke about the Canadians in Hell....and this one location
in Michigan being warmer than the town of Hell...so "they're hotter than
Hell". :P

#1: The End (or is it?)

Only when looking at the back side of man or beast...although that is
a rather cheeky argument...and it has a crack in it. Never mind "assk
and you shall receive the butt of the joke". <G>

May the 4th be with you.
May the 5th be Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

Q: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims

I'm always late...my ancestors arrived on the June Flower. <G>

Daryl

... Political Season: Does that mean we can shoot them??
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Daryl Stout wrote to George Pope <=-

May the 5th be Cinco de Mayo.

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to commemorate the day.


... You have PMS and a Handgun? I'll go quietly.....
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Daryl Stout wrote to Dr. What <=-

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>

I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on
the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to commemorate the day.

I guess the jars weren't water tight. Or it was a choice between
may or naise??

Tim Thomserson used to do a skit where he talks about his childhood (in
sort of a hick accent)


"I growed up on a mayonnaise farm between Visalia and Bakersfield..."



... Omens are there to be broken.
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George,

#1: NO auto-posting (bots); this echo is for humans; if you can fully
understand these rules, you are likely human.

I set up the Today In History program to post "Today's Blooper", but
they change out every day of the year. It's similar to data in the
various echoes that cover puns, Bible verses, weather history, QWK
Taglines, and random quotes.

Yup, 'tis an auto-poster then. . . you could view the joke of the day & post it manually, when you like it, with an intro & unique subject line. . .

#1: We only roast the ones we love

Never mind the joke about the Canadians in Hell....and this one location
in Michigan being warmer than the town of Hell...so "they're hotter than Hell". :P

Someone in your country, was looking at a weather map & noted the summer temps above & below the 49th parallel as: 28, 32, 29, and 94, 96, 101 respectively and asked, "Wow what a temperature difference! Is that how they decided where to put the border?"

... Political Season: Does that mean we can shoot them??

Depends whom you ask. . . Seems reasonable to me. . .

Most of my group wanted to go mushroom hunting. I call them the morel majority.

Q: What is the sentencing when you get caught hunting illegally? A: Murder in the first deergree

Q: How do planets staying busy during hunting season? A: By shooting stars

Q: Why did the redneck bring a bazooka deer hunting? A: He wanted to get the biggest bang for his buck.

I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

Cinco De Mayo...where an empty jar of mayonnaise is in the sink. <G>
I thought it was the day that the big shipment of mayonnaise sunk on
the way to Mexico. They really liked mayo back then and decided to
commemorate the day.

I guess the jars weren't water tight. Or it was a choice between
may or naise??

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

France already helped USA become a country, so then they decide to fight them instead of being an ally?

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

at McD's I have to ask for McChicken sauce instead of mayo to get Miracle Whip type spread; at A&W it's "Teen Sauce"; no idea if Burger King has a Miracle Whip option. . . I rarely go there anyway -- only when they have chicken nuggets 10/$2 (& these are not all-white meat like McD's ruined theirs); last time I bought 50 nuggets to bring home for the family to enjoy!

oops, funny. . .

Q: What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget? A: No harm because no fowl

Q: There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didnÆt get any nuggets?
A: Eight. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

Q: What's inside a chicken nugget?
A: Nug guts

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I
had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name
whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

I love the Miracle Whip commercials. This guy was talking to this woman
on the phone, as she was to come over for a visit. When he admitted "I'm
out of Miracle Whip"....<CLICK!>. <G>

at McD's I have to ask for McChicken sauce instead of mayo to get
Miracle Whip type spread; at A&W it's "Teen Sauce"; no idea if Burger King has a Miracle Whip option. . . I rarely go there anyway -- only
when they have chicken nuggets 10/$2 (& these are not all-white meat like McD's ruined theirs); last time I bought 50 nuggets to bring home for the family to enjoy!

I love the mayonnaise that Burger King uses, plus their burgers aren't
swimming in grease (they're flame broiled).

Q: What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget?
A: No harm because no fowl

He was all clucked up.

Q: There were 30 students but only 28 chicken nuggets. How many kids didnÆt get any nuggets? A: Eight. Why? Because only twenty ate chicken nuggets.

Did you ever see Jeff Dunham's feud with Peanut, where Peanut could not
access their home wi-fi?? Search for "Jeff Dunham Peanut Password Panic"
on YouTube.

Q: What's inside a chicken nugget?
A: Nug guts

Appetite killer. :P

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.

Best thing to dip those in.

Daryl

... Drink Canada Dry. Maybe you can't, but it's fun trying.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George,

I'm not sure why the French were even in Mexico in the first place; I
had thought the USA & Spain were at war to steal it from the natives?

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

Tru dat!

Ridiculous!

I hate mayo -- too bland -- I only use Miracle Whip or the no-name
whipped salad dressing equivalent. . .

I love the Miracle Whip commercials. This guy was talking to this woman
on the phone, as she was to come over for a visit. When he admitted "I'm
out of Miracle Whip"....<CLICK!>. <G>

Kraft is dong a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey, where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to America.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving
all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for
ketchup.

Best thing to dip those in.

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

Best dip I've found at McDs is Big Mac sauce (I started with Mozza sauce at A&W when I worked there, & got hooked on the unique & less sugary flavour combination); Mac sauce is close enough But they've recently come up with a habanero pepper dipping sauce that I like. . .

I don't do McD';s too often. Rarely I'll pop in & have a medium fry with a dish of McChicken sauce(Miracle Whip) & a giant cup (biggest they'll give me) of ice water. . . (gotta dilute all the crud they add in); I order unsalted, so the fries come out hot & fresh, & actually taste like fried potatoes, but there's still something going on, in that their fries don't rot.


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.

Tru dat!

Ridiculous!

Like nymphomaniacs...never satisfied.

Kraft is doing a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl
has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally
brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey,
where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to
America.

LOL!! I was aware of Jif Peanut Butter, but not Kraft.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will
find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

I have to wonder who these idiots are who create most of the commercials nowadays.

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

Divorce is a vow tied with a slipknot. Folks who are wanting "a perfect marriage/relationship" in this life will never find it.

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

The BBQ sauce I ordered from Slim Chickens burned the dickens out of
my lips and tongue, and I wasn't a fan out of the other dipping sauces
that they had. I went through a half gallon of Kool-Aid to cool the
inferno. Tomatoes are good anti-oxidants, if I remember right.

That reminds me of the commercial with a weiner dog, saying "Oh, antioxidants are good for me!! I thought you said anti-dachsunds". <G>

And, I saw a meme with a man and a dachshund at a tavern bar...with
a martini of sorts next to them (I guess the dacshunds' was a weenie
martini with toilet water. <G>). The man said "Bond. James Bond"...
and the doxie replied "Hund. Dachs Hund". <G>

Best dip I've found at McDs is Big Mac sauce (I started with Mozza
sauce at A&W when I worked there, & got hooked on the unique & less
sugary flavour combination); Mac sauce is close enough But they've recently come up with a habanero pepper dipping sauce that I like. . .

I have to watch the tomato sauce, as it can set off my acid reflux.
Yet, I love Italian food...but I only care for Italian or American
cuisine. However, with cost, I only order out once a month. I can't
see or understand how my brother can afford to eat out every day.

I don't do McD';s too often. Rarely I'll pop in & have a medium fry
with a dish of McChicken sauce(Miracle Whip) & a giant cup (biggest they'll give me) of ice water. . . (gotta dilute all the crud they add in); I order unsalted, so the fries come out hot & fresh, & actually
taste like fried potatoes, but there's still something going on, in
that their fries don't rot.

IMO, McDonald's french fries are the best, compared to Burger King and Wendy's. For breakfast, I prefer the sausage egg McMuffin, with the hash browns...and the cheeseburgers for lunch.

Otherwise, I'll order from Burger King for the "Family Bundle" with
3 Whoppers, 3 cheeseburgers, and 3 french fries, for $20, via Grubhub.
Being a "Lyft Pink" member (paying $10 extra a month for Lyft), I get
free delivery for the Grubhub orders.

Lyft Pink gets me a 5% discount on rides, priority pickup, and if I
have to cancel a ride (the vehicle was a pickup truck or SUV with such
high ground clearance, that is as tall as my groin, and I can't step
into it), they pick up the $5 cancellation fee (3 times a month), and
if I book a new ride within 10 minutes, they give me $5 off of that.

Lately though, I just use Lyft to the Post Office Box twice a month,
and to Great Clips 4 times a year. For the medical appointments, my HMO provides transportation, with 4 business days advance notice.

With other bills, I may only do 6 months of the Post Office Box, or
let it go. Then, it's a PITA to notify all the businesses, etc. of
the address change...and I run the risk of folks stealing stuff out
of the mailbox...that's why I got the P.O. Box in the first place.

Daryl

... I was hospitalized so long, that I took a turn for the nurse.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
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George,

No telling. But every empire, etc. seems greedy for more territory.
Tru dat!
Ridiculous!

Like nymphomaniacs...never satisfied.

But nymphos serve a purpose in the cosmos. . .

Them's who need that(quick, easy sex), got access to it easily enough without having to resort to worse moral crimes. .

I don't judge; if asked, I tell the truth about where I stand on any moral issue & why I do. If not asked, not my business, as my mama & papa taught me some things are. . . (frustrated my childhood self to no end, because I was the "I Want to Know" kid -- I read the Encyclopedia Britannica & O.E.D.(abridged classroom edition) just for fun & lots of mini encyclopedias & the entire set of "I Want To Know About" kid's science encyclopedia set my mom bought me in an attempt to satiate my questing mind.

But as an adult, looking around at how the media &c don't get -- I realise, now, MYOB is an important concept for all to take to heart. What does Celeb X or Y look like nude? Unless they're presenting it to you, it's none o' your business, so stop hacking shit to see it!

So many TV shows, magazines, & websites devoted to digging into private business & making it public. . . sickening -- who damned CARES who is jumping who? If you're trying to date them, they'll tell you if they're otherwise occupied. If you're sitting at home eating cereal and baloney sandwiches, watching your programs, shut it down, Nosy Nora (or Ned)

Jeeze! So much perfectly good tv airtime blown to waste by this garbage! No wonder I can't find anything to watch 95% of the time I look!

Anything I say about celebs is generally made up and just an attempt to be funny. . .

Q: Who was the only celebrity with four body parts in his name? A: Tony Hancock

Q: Why are celebrities so cool?
A: They have many fans.

Q: What do you call a situation where two celebrities are fighting? A: Star Wars

Kraft is doing a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl
has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally
brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey,
where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut
butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to
America.

LOL!! I was aware of Jif Peanut Butter, but not Kraft.

Was it Jif? If people can pronounce GIF as Jif, I guess I can pronounce Jif as Kraft *LOL*

[Groan warning; this is bad, even for me!] Q: What do you get when you eat too much peanut butter? A: ReeseÆs feces

I would like to share you this joke about peanut butter but I wonÆt. Because you might spread it.

My wife & I hope she suffers loneliness for life & that no man will
find her worthy for a myriad of nitpicky reasons.

I have to wonder who these idiots are who create most of the commercials nowadays.

I agree & these ads on my phone seem designed especially to aggravate me & make me associate the product with hate & anger. (stupid music that explodes out of my phone at top volume, when I had it down to 1); Way back I boycotted a brand of bottled iced tea because the ads annoyed me so much. I doubt I made any difference, but I had to do my bit. .

To end your dream marriage over such stupidity -- stupid ad.

Divorce is a vow tied with a slipknot. Folks who are wanting "a perfect marriage/relationship" in this life will never find it.

It's all about being in love and making a mutual commitment (it's about the vows -- you make these solemn promises in front of friends, family of both, AND God, to show how serious you're being.)

I'm with that Jewish radio therapist who says divorce is acceptable only for the "3 As": Abuse, Abandonment, & Addiction. My argument in these cases is you are not breaking the marriage, you are merely acknowledging that the contract is broken already by the other, then getting on with your life.

Marriage between man & woman is not a true covenant in this world: it's just a contract held together by mutual commitment to vows. But if you aim higher, you achieve higher -- lots of young couples are today looking to understand covenantal marriage, & I hope they do understands it & it helps them hold together love for life.

My promise to my wife wasn't just to not leave & to not fool around, it was to do my part to keep us both satisfied with being married. Her, too. . . :)

No thanks -- I'm not a big fan of tomato spit.

The BBQ sauce I ordered from Slim Chickens burned the dickens out of
my lips and tongue, and I wasn't a fan out of the other dipping sauces
that they had. I went through a half gallon of Kool-Aid to cool the
inferno.

Kool-Aid is a bad response to hot peppers, as it's mainly water -- you want dairy -- ideal is buttermilk, followed drinkable yoghurt, then by whole milk, the milk of any kind.

Tomatoes are good anti-oxidants, if I remember right.

That reminds me of the commercial with a weiner dog, saying "Oh,
antioxidants are good for me!! I thought you said anti-dachsunds". <G>

That's a stretch, I think. . . It'd work if the Doxy was an Ox-dog Chimera (Ox- Dachshund, so anti-Ox-Dachshund)

And, I saw a meme with a man and a dachshund at a tavern bar...with
a martini of sorts next to them (I guess the dacshunds' was a weenie
martini with toilet water. <G>). The man said "Bond. James Bond"...
and the doxie replied "Hund. Dachs Hund". <G>

Q: Why did the cowboy adopt a Dachshund? A: He wanted to get a long little doggie

Q: You know whatÆs best about owning both a dachshund and a convertible? A: You can ride around topless with your wiener out.

The mother dachshund & her 11 pups were curled up on the electric blanket. I mentioned to my wife: Looks like we have a 12-pack of hot dogs on the bed.

cuisine. However, with cost, I only order out once a month. I can't
see or understand how my brother can afford to eat out every day.

Everybody prioritizes to suit themselves. I used to smoke so certainly ate a lot unhealthier with what little money that left me for groceries. . .

In that case I had unknowingly turned over my option to prioritize spending to the addiction, which was NOT on my side!

IMO, McDonald's french fries are the best, compared to Burger King and Wendy's. For breakfast, I prefer the sausage egg McMuffin, with the hash browns...and the cheeseburgers for lunch.

For breakfast, I used t get the egg McMuffin, no meat, substitute extra egg, & add slivered onion, leaf ;lettuce, & tomato - for a crunchy veggie egg sandwich
-- tasty & healthy.

Now I'm more going for the Chicken McGriddle, add an egg, add leaf lettuce, add tomato, & 2-3 hashed browns (then I love!)

I far prefer Tim Horton's for breakfast; I get: wrap containing:
2 eggs
2 cheese
chopped lettuce
half portion mint-cilantro sauce
hashed brown (McD style)

Nice & meaty & crunchy, two of my fast food breakfast food groups Then, to make it a combo, I get a double chocolate doughnut (chocolate ring doughnut with chocolate icing on top), & a mocha latte, extra shot or two of espresso,& there's my 4 food groups covered!

Lyft Pink gets me a 5% discount on rides, priority pickup, and if I
have to cancel a ride (the vehicle was a pickup truck or SUV with such
high ground clearance, that is as tall as my groin, and I can't step
into it), they pick up the $5 cancellation fee (3 times a month), and
if I book a new ride within 10 minutes, they give me $5 off of that.

Do you get both? The $5 dropped(thus the last ride's call-out never happened, plus another $5 off the new ride?) & then $5 off the next ride, or it just gets transferred over & you pay the minimum pickup fee for the first?

I really thought becoming a Lyft driver would be worthwhileà But I have nothing to chauffeur it.

Contactless Delivery: is that when the OB/GYN puts the mother-to-be at the end of the table, with a pillow below & tells her to push, while he tries to use telekinesis to help her?

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

Was it Jif? If people can pronounce GIF as Jif, I guess I can pronounce
Jif as Kraft *LOL*

Actually, CompuServe created the GIF format...then things spun off from there.

I'm just going by normal English rules for an acronym (new word formed by initial letters like Graphic Interchange Format=GIF); gi is = ji-, so jif is the correct English pronunciation just like Linux shuls sound like Linus in whatever language you're saying it in -- in the original Norwegian, the creator, whose names was pronounced Leenis, pronounced it Leeniks.

So these self-styled tech geeks who pronounce it linniks are just plain wrong.

[Groan warning; this is bad, even for me!] Q: What do you get when you
eat too much peanut butter? A: Reese+s feces

It's the same color. :P

Close enough, unless you taste both, I'm sure. . .

I haven't had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a long time. Several

Same. I like to put crunchy peanut butter & strawberry preserves(like jam, but with big chunks of fruit in it) on a toasted bagel on occasion.

1) A guy is sitting on the exam table, with C-Clamps around his hips,
holding his butt cheeks together. The doctor notes "Patient is reluctant
to have his prostate checked".

Like the best birth control pill is an aspirin, held tightly between the knees!

2) A frail old man is on the table in the exam room, and the doctor
walks in, with his fingers swollen. He slammed his hand in the car
door before coming to work, and he apologized for being late to do the prostate check. I think I want to reschedule. <G>

No kidding!

colonoscopy, etc.). You have to have a driver that'll sit there and wait
for you. The thing is, if you have no family to speak of, and all of your friends work during the day and have family of their own...that leaves you without transportation...and you basically can't get the procedure done.

Contact a local seniors' centre & ask if they have any volunteers for medical drivers. That's what I did when I was single. . .

I'm with that Jewish radio therapist who says divorce is acceptable
only for the "3 As": Abuse, Abandonment, & Addiction. My argument in
these cases is you are not breaking the marriage, you are merely
acknowledging that the contract is broken already by the other, then
getting on with your life.

The only Scriptural reasons for a Christian to seek divorce, are abuse, desertion, and infidelity.

I see the Christian view as the married couple are like one body; if the one part is hurting the rest(physically or morally), cut it off.

There was a joke that in Old Testament times, if the wife burned the
toast, the man could get a writ of divorce.

Bad joke, as it never was that way -- God was careful to say no to divorce,Period!

The way I see it is if we give in to getting a divorce, God can divorce us for the same types of reasons, & that means you're suddenly on the outside, even if you've done everything right thus far to be in His good graces.

I haven't had dairy products in ages. The one thing with the Kool-Aid
that I mix up is that I haven't had a single kidney stone in 3 1/2 years.

Yup, Kool-Aid = sugar = crystals, which is what makes stones.

I learned to not drink those Emergen-C effervescing tablets, as they make a nice bubbly vitamin drink that tastes like OJ, but those effervescing components are minerals -- what makes stones? One summer, I was peeing out 5- 10 pea-sized stones a DAY!!! I quit the Vitamin-C drinks & was fine..

The only things I want smoking or steaming is the food on the plate...
such as sizzlin' fajitas at Applebee's. I mentioned this at my cardiologist recently, and this young black nurse grinned, and said "That's what I'M talkin' about!!" <G>

Yup, nothing but sizzling BBQ for me, too, now!

I saw where they were giving away french fries on July 13, National Fry
Day. I didn't even bother with it.

Same, nor July 11 (7/11) Free Slurpee Day. (you get a 7.11fl.oz. Slurpee cup's worth)

I far prefer Tim Horton's for breakfast; I get: wrap containing:

Is that a restaurant chain??

Yup, big Canadian one, started by the eponymous award winning NHL goalie. Now owned by Burger King Canada.

It's similar to your Dunkin' Donuts, I'm to understand.

... Friends Don't Let Friends Drive Naked.

Well, depends what she looks like & if she's driving me somewhere. . .

Organic Air Bag protection.

If she's bra-less you can test the AC, too. . .

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-6
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

Happy birthday Canada on the 1st of July!

Do you know how Canada got its name?

The three guys who discovered it put some letters in a bag and decided to
name the country after the letters they pulled out.

First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

Or the the alternate idea which was that Canada was empty when the first settlers arrived (or so they thought). So it was named: Can = container, nada = nothing. Empty container. Sort of like a Doug and Bob Mackenzie show.


... You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.52

--- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A49 2023/04/30 (Windows/64)
* Origin: JoesBBS.Com, Telnet:23 SSH:22 HTTP:80 (1:342/201)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

Happy birthday Canada on the 1st of July!

Do you know how Canada got its name?
The three guys who discovered it put some letters in a bag and decided to name the country after the letters they pulled out.
First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

That's how I've been telling it; good to have corroboration, or you've just caught it roundabout from one of my older posting of it here or in other humour areas. . .

Or the the alternate idea which was that Canada was empty when the first
settlers arrived (or so they thought). So it was named: Can = container, nada
= nothing. Empty container. Sort of like a Doug and Bob Mackenzie show.

Oh, Bob & Doug-- I doo recall them, of course -- f*cking Americans thinking they have a clue about my country when most don't know spit about their own!

The real answer, of course, is "Kanata" was the Huron word for "village."

Early explorers asked them, "What do you call this place?" & that's the honest answer they received. Now there is a Kanata in most provinces, I believe. Some are bigger than villages (towns or even cities)

We use the term for some of our international sports teams, like in Olympic Curling we have Team Canada, but for the Paralympic Curling, it's Team Adanac(read it backwards); I think some other sports use "Team Kanata" but I'm not much for following sports, unless they involve sexy women doing beautifully presented activities (Figure Skating, Rhythmic Gymnastics come to mind first.)

... You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.

Oh, I'm always taking dinner, whether or not it's what was originally presented to me.

I had an older friend (is that possible? Yup) who, if a waitress asked if he liked his meal, would respond, "It's not flipped onto the floor is it?"

One time he was asked how he liked his meal & he, where he was a regular, answered, "It's at our usual standards."; goes to pay & finds out that his meal was comped to him, in full! Bonus: steak & trimmings for $0.00!

& we have a topic for ObPuns:

I was trying to give away a bunch of those little bugs that make honey. But nobody wanted my freebies.

A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. ôThatÆs one too many!ö says the customer. The clerk replies ôItÆs a freebieö

Welp, I guess that's as far as that one can go. . . Enjoy your day/week/month/season/any damned thing you want to! (if they're all consenting adults, of course!)

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to Dr. What <=-

First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.

That's how I've been telling it; good to have corroboration, or you've just caught it roundabout from one of my older posting of it here or
in other humour areas. . .

Doubt it. I heard that joke 30+ years ago.

Oh, Bob & Doug-- I doo recall them, of course -- f*cking Americans thinking they have a clue about my country when most don't know spit about their own!

But Doug and Bob were about Canada (sort of). The story is that Canada required every show to have XX minutes of "Canadian content". So SCTV came up with Doug and Bob McKenzie as a response to that.

The real answer, of course, is "Kanata" was the Huron word for
"village."

Early explorers asked them, "What do you call this place?" & that's the honest answer they received. Now there is a Kanata in most provinces,
I believe. Some are bigger than villages (towns or even cities)

Sounds like a dad joke about the Michigan towns of Naubinway (knob-in-way) and Newaygo (new-way-go).

I had an older friend (is that possible? Yup)

My grandparents once introduced me to an 80-year-old named "junior". I asked if that was his real name. They said "No, but he lives with his dad, so everyone just calls him 'junior'."


... If I save time, when do I get it back ?
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.52

--- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A49 2023/04/30 (Windows/64)
* Origin: JoesBBS.Com, Telnet:23 SSH:22 HTTP:80 (1:342/201)

Like nymphomaniacs...never satisfied.

You'd be surprised; some even complain they're getting too much -- just serves to prove that women are never satisfied/happy! Well, except for the wives of present company, of course!

Kraft is doing a similar kind of thing for Kraft peanut butter -- Girl
has whirlwind romance with French man of her dreams -- he finally
brings her to his home, after a fancy wedding, & she asks, "Honey,
where is the Kraft peanut butter?" & he replies, "What is Kraft peanut
butter" & the next scene has her on a plane alone, going back to
America.

LOL!! I was aware of Jif Peanut Butter, but not Kraft.

Jif does the same ad? Wouldn't surprise me if both companies are owned by the same parent.

Divorce is a vow tied with a slipknot. Folks who are wanting "a perfect marriage/relationship" in this life will never find it.

Yup,there'sno perfect spouse to be found. You search &search, putting yourself out there honestly, & you finally find one who's close enough for you to chose to commit to commit to working together with them for life, to maintain love and togetherness.

Those ex[ecting no fights in the perfect marriage are going to be sorely disappointed; it's not the fighting that indicates a problem, it's silence, or bad responding to fights.

Be mutually committed to working together in peace, love, & harmony, & you will; the fights tend to indicate a needf or change for both. If you committed to each other with all honesty & true commitment, then it's not very difficult to keep it going in a peaceful manner. . .

Like my parents, I keep in mind that divorce just isn't an option -- I promised to do all I could to keep us happily married til the Grim Reaper comres with his sickle to take one or both of us. She vowed & meant exactly the same. Maybeit's because we've both been married before & know the pain of it not working, that we were old & experienced enough to go into this marriage with open eyes & a desire to see it through.

I suspect we /tick/ each other off daily, but just choose not to take it too seriously. . .

On burning your mouth with a too-hot BBQ sauce--drinking Kool-Aid or water will only make the burn worse --you need dairy to neutralize the capsaicin; best, IMO, is a little sip of buttermilk. Or a bigger drink of whole milk, or in
between amount of drinkable plain yoghurt (the Indians use yoghurt in their cooking a lot to maintain a nice balance between heat & flavours)

That reminds me of the commercial with a weiner dog, saying "Oh,
antioxidants are good for me!! I thought you said anti-dachsunds". <G>

Eep! Poor pooch. . . Our dog shares my disdain for commercial factory-made food. He's now on strictly home-made food my wife cooks up for him (she cooks up a big batch in a 60-cup stockpot, then puts it into canning jars.

He gets 3% of his body weight each day, divided into two meals. . . Oh, he wolfs it down quickly, believe me! Even fastert han he did the canned crap we used to disguise the taste of is allergy medications.

And, I saw a meme with a man and a dachshund at a tavern bar...with
a martini of sorts next to them (I guess the dacshunds' was a weenie
martini with toilet water. <G>). The man said "Bond. James Bond"...
and the doxie replied "Hund. Dachs Hund". <G>

Digger Dawg! Rat-hund would've been a good name for the breed, too. . .

cuisine. However, with cost, I only order out once a month. I can't
see or understand how my brother can afford to eat out every day.

You're better off, not eating that commercial fecus! They mix salt, sugar, &fats to create a taste, with zero consideration of whether any of it is actually food or even good for humans. . .

IMO, McDonald's french fries are the best, compared to Burger King and Wendy's. For breakfast, I prefer the sausage egg McMuffin, with the hash browns...and the cheeseburgers for lunch.

I used to get the BLT bagel for breakfast, substituting an extras egg for the meat. & specifying leaf lettuce and slivered onion for the veggies -- for a nice healthy & tasty crunch. . .

My fave eating out breakfast now is, & it's arare treat indeed, is Tim Horton's Farmer's Wrap, customized (it's a large tortilla wrap, holding two eggs, a hashed browns, cheese, & a smidgen of lime-cilantro sauce) combo, with double chocolate doughnut (chocolate dough, chocolate icing) and a latte-mocha with extra shot of espresso. In my Contigo travel mug, it stays perfectly hot til past 5pm! So ideal for a day on the go, or at work. It hangs inside my cloth bag to the right of me, for easy access & no spillage, even if I keep the sippy part open for quick cooling off so I can guzzle the contents (the secret to using coffee to stay awake all day(or night) is, per some chemistry majors in loonyversity: very strong, very fast. Make it strong & down 'er quickly.

My morning "super coffee" at home, at my desk, contains the caffeine of an entire pot of coffee in each 6oz mugful. I rapidly drink two if I'm working all day. (I try to avoid that & pretend I'm on partial retirement -- much more fun!
& easier on the kidneys & liver!); 'course, I need to keep boosting my hourly rate to make up for the days & hours I can't be arsed to work, so I'm at $300/hour now, for uncontracted time. But, as I say in my upcoming book, "Everything, & I mean EVERY thing, is negotiable!"

Otherwise, I'll order from Burger King for the "Family Bundle" with
3 Whoppers, 3 cheeseburgers, and 3 french fries, for $20, via Grubhub.
Being a "Lyft Pink" member (paying $10 extra a month for Lyft), I get
free delivery for the Grubhub orders.

There you go; you make it work for YOUR needs & preferences & t'Hades with what their goals are! We don't use Uber (our preferred service for food, but my wife likes Lyft for taxi) enough to warrant paying the annual fee for premium standing (Uber One); we pay Amazon Prime, though, as we like the free same or next day delivery. . . & the occasional series on Prime Video.

Like you, we pick what WE find of value -- "We're Popes, not Dopes," as is our family motto!

With other bills, I may only do 6 months of the Post Office Box, or
let it go. Then, it's a PITA to notify all the businesses, etc. of
the address change...and I run the risk of folks stealing stuff out
of the mailbox...that's why I got the P.O. Box in the first place.

Sounds like you're best off as it is. . . What do you need to get at your PO Box? All bills & mail? (can't you go with online billing for your utilities, taxes, etc?)

I bet you double up errands, so if you're Lyfting in for one thing, you'll include a PO Box check while you're in town?

Living life like it's a luxury, but keeping one's eye on the bottom line -- that's WINNING!!!

ObPuns:
I'm so Frugal that I flip the paper plate over and use the other side before throwing away/

I'm so frugal that when someone kicks my ass, I clench my butt cheeks to keep the shoe.

My GrandmaÆs so frugal that when Grandpa died, she un-knit his sweaters so she could have the yarn back.

Tagline capable:
I'm so frugal that even Ebenezer Scrooge called me cheap! Your dad is so frugal he won't even spend time with you. I'm so frugal, I got married just for the rice! I'm so frugal I eat cereal with a fork so I can use the milk tomorrow

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

Do you know how Canada got its name?
The three guys who discovered it put some letters in a bag and decided to name the country after the letters they pulled out.
First guy: I got a "C", eh.
Second guy: I got an "N", eh.
Third guy: I got a "D", eh.
Or the the alternate idea which was that Canada was empty when the first
settlers arrived (or so they thought). So it was named: Can = container, nada
= nothing. Empty container. Sort of like a Doug and Bob Mackenzie show.

Of course, you do know the Bob & Doug McKenzie show was 100% American? It was on SCTV (Second City = Chicago)

The real, less funny reason for the name Canada is when explorers first met and talked with the Ojibwe Indians, they asked the local natives: "What is this place called" & the Indian answered "village"("kanata" which is the name of a village on that site in Ontario, still, just up or down the road from Adanac Canada backwards)

... You have two choices for dinner: Take it or Leave it.

I grew up like that & I turned out just fine -- but then we weren't primed to scream "abuse!" every time we didn't get our own way -- if we screamed at all, it was just to, essentially, request an arse-paddling, & then it was okay to cry, as we now had "something to cry about"

Not abuseat all -- good parenting & most of us learned how to behave in public including how not to become a criminal asshole. . .

Parenting through the ages:

(1)
"Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna."

(2)
Me: *on the toilet*
2yo: *banging on door* Daddy!! Daddy!!! DADDY!!!! Me: IÆm downstairs!
2yo: Oh... *runs off*
Me: Why have I not tried that before?

(3)
"Somehow IÆve lucked out and have an 8yo who thinks secretly reading under the covers past her bedtime is an act of rebellion, and it hasnÆt yet occurred to her that her flashlights never seem to run out of batteries."

(4)
Me: OMG WHAT THE HELL
Child: The news said itÆs more sanitary to sneeze into an elbow. Me: THEY MEAN YOUR OWN ELBOW

(FIN)


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

I love the Miracle Whip commercials. This guy was talking to this woman
on the phone, as she was to come over for a visit. When he admitted "I'm
out of Miracle Whip"....<CLICK!>. <G>

Yup, & she immediately flew back home -- serves her right if she's lonely the rest of her life. If she loved him, she'd have replied, "No problem, dear, I'll run out & get another jar for us."

& if he was looking for a relationship & love more serious than a one night hook-up, he'd not be alone the next night or three or a lifetime.. .

Q: What did the vegan say when they ate a plant based chicken nugget?
A: No harm because no fowl

He was all clucked up.

When I have one of the kid helping me shop, as we pass the fake meat section, they always exclaim, "EWWW!" & we hurry past to the real food sections.

I keep it simple: God made X; Man made Y -- guess which I'm going with?

Sugar over aspartame every time without fail.

Did you ever see Jeff Dunham's feud with Peanut, where Peanut could not access their home wi-fi?? Search for "Jeff Dunham Peanut Password Panic"
on YouTube.

After my kids are up, so I cam put the speakers on. . . I might've seen it -- I've seen so many of theirs - I own a copy of every TV special they've done. Good stuff to put on auto-play every now & again. . .

My kids love the "Jingle Bomb" one--their first Christmas special (in Iraq)

Q: What's inside a chicken nugget?
A: Nug guts

Appetite killer. :P

Only after you've seen how they're made (a bubbling cauldron(vat) of all the bones & crap they couldn't cut into actual pieces of chicken to sell, plus whteverthey swept or mopped up off the floor, I suspect. Boil it until thick & gelatinous, then extrude onto a big pan piece by piece, to be air-fried, with oil liberally sprayed through the hot air as they tumble-cook.

I love that Discovery show, "How It's Made"

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving
all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for
ketchup.

Best thing to dip those in.

Eww, no thanks -- I only use ketchup a time or two a year to put 2 drops on my chapped egg on toast.

Best dip for nuggets, I find, is Big Mac sauce but only if I'm having a Big Mac, otherwise they charge me 40c for a 2oz container of "extra Big Mac sauce" to dip my nuggets in, even when I point out that this is my choice for dip, instead of their other ones. If a manager is on, & I got time, I'll get it approved asa no charge item.

For fries I like a wee tub of McChicken sauce (also 40c if not ordered a McChicken); but I can get as many little plastic tube things of the sauce for free, so i just ask for help to cut then open put them into a paper ketchup container(fee at the ketchup pump); for a large, i'll get 2 filled to the top, for yummiest fry enjoyment...

True story, as a young teen (15 or 16) I was travelling & in a McDonalds I knew I'd never see again (I've never even been in that town again in the 40+ years since!), I asked the pretty young thing at the cash register for a "fur burger
& a side of thighs, please."

She stared at me, stunned, for a minute, then ran into the back crying (WTF? Lil Miss Sensitive that day, apparently. A big dude came up & asked me what I'd said to her; I sad I simply asked for a fish burger & a side of fries, please. He looked me up & down then said, "Alright, but take your order to go & don't ever come back here again."

Apparently he believed her over this scuzzy looking long-haired punk in front of him & professionally dealt with the problem. Kudos to him, I say. He didn't get into a "he said, she said" type discussion, he simply fixed the issue.

I've never done that jape again. . .

The first time I did it, I wrote up my own order form at the A&W I had worked at prior to my brain putting me in the hospital for a half year; also requesting a fur burger & a side of thighs -- I saw the girls giggling while trying to decipher my handwriting. I ended up with a fish burger & fries in my bag. I still have no idea if they understood what I wrote & punnily responded, or that's just how they interpreted my handwriting. I never asked. The one girl on shift knew I liked her, even though she was nearly too young by a year or so(for my personal taste, not by law) but she was fun to flirt with when it was slow at the restaurant, because she turned such a pretty shade of pink, & flirted back with cute giggles. . .

After I left town to recuperate for a year, I lost track of everybody, as the restaurant closed and was seized for bankruptcy soon after I left.

Oh well, made new friends since then. . . worked other jobs, contracts, etc. Got new neighbours a few times as I tried to increase my comfort at home. (bigger units in better areas)

You know you're in a bad Chicago neighborhood, when you realize you have to go north to find a McDonalds or Starbucks that doesn't smell like a crack house.

You know you're in a bad neighbourhood when you hear weapons fire every night as you drift off to sleep. (heard twice via Modesto, CA)

You know you're in a bad neighbourhood when you turn on the light to see what the noise was & you see 14 cockroaches gang-raping a rat.

You know you're in a bad hotel when you call the front desk to say, "I got a leak in my sink" & they just say, "Go ahead!" (this has actually happened to me at a place I paid for 5 weeks ahead of time to stay -- I had a room on the 3rd flor, above, the lobby, so I was as far as possible from the booming nightclubs on either side of the lobby (strip joint on the one side a "Meat Market" (meet market) dance club on the other -- Of course, I could still hear the booming [c]rap music, but not so bad I couldn't sleep enough to be ready for my 15-hour workdays six days a week, then 10-1 more hours on my one day off.

Adaptability -- Proof we're humans & here to survive -- in it to win it! That's one of my philosophies towards life.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to Dr. What <=-

Of course, you do know the Bob & Doug McKenzie show was 100% American?
It was on SCTV (Second City = Chicago)

Yes.

The rumor always was that Canada demanded that XX minutes of every show be "Pure Canadian Content" and that Bob and Doug were SCTV's answer to that. That's doesn't quite add up to me, but it's an fun rumor anyway.

The real, less funny reason for the name Canada is when explorers first met and talked with the Ojibwe Indians, they asked the local natives: "What is this place called" & the Indian answered "village"("kanata" which is the name of a village on that site in Ontario, still, just up
or down the road from Adanac Canada backwards)

But that explanation is less humorous than "I have a 'C', eh". :)

(2)
Me: *on the toilet*
2yo: *banging on door* Daddy!! Daddy!!! DADDY!!!! Me: I}m downstairs!
2yo: Oh... *runs off*
Me: Why have I not tried that before?

Sunday school teacher: Where does God live?
Timmy: In my bathroom!
Teacher: Why do you think that?
Timmy: Because every morning my dad comes down, bangs on the door and yells "God! Are you still in there?"


... Women who wear mini-skirts sure are cheeky folk.
=== MultiMail/Linux v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.11-Win32
* Origin: *The Gate BBS*Shelby, NC USA*thegateb.synchro.net* (1:3634/27)

Sunday school teacher: Where does God live?
Timmy: In my bathroom!
Teacher: Why do you think that?
Timmy: Because every morning my dad comes down, bangs on the door and yells "God! Are you still in there?"

Daddy, Daddy, we almost lost Mommy today!
"How so?"
I heard mommy yelling, "Oh, God, I'm coming." I looked in your room & she had her feet in the air for the angels to grab, & if the mailman hadn't been holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!

... Women who wear mini-skirts sure are cheeky folk.

Works for me! Except in Vancouver here there's a 50/50 chance of seeing balls hanging below the hemline if a mini skirt! (euuuggghhh!!!)

I did see a gal go by one time in the summer, with a skirt so short, I could see her meat curtains hanging below. Not as sexy as you might think, but interesting. . . She was pretty good looking, otherwise. . . I doubt she was even aware. . .

I've learned most women who show stuff (cheek, nip, etc) do so on purpose & are happy to get a complimentary(non-creepy) response. I first learned this from Dr. Isaac Asimov, & it's been true in my experience. I'm at that age where it's 50/50 whether my even looking or taking to these young ladies is "creepy."

Usually I do okay with my complements--wording them in such a way they feel unique & special ("just like everyone else!")

Tip: never tell a woman "That dress/shirt/pants looks nice on you"; always say, "You make that dress/skirt/pants/shirt look good!"

Not funny, but useful knowledge. . .okay funny time:

& 10 useful one-liner compliments:

1. YouÆre paws-itively amazing!
2. You light up the room like a chandelierùno need for electricity! 3. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
4. YouÆre so sweet, you could put HersheyÆs out of business! 5. If beauty were a crime, youÆd be serving a life sentence. 6. You must be a parking ticket, because youÆve got æFINEÆ written all over you!
7. Are you a time traveler? Because I see you in my future! 8. YouÆre like a cloudùwhen you disappear, the world is just a little less bright.
9. Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes. 10. YouÆre the reason I smile, even when IÆm not trying.

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

I have to ask.

When someone in your family is in the hospital to give birth, does the rest of the family wait outside, looking at the hospital's chimney waiting for the white smoke?

That's supposed to designate a new Pope.

:)

... What are the instructions doing in the trash??
___ MultiMail/Linux v0.52

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* Origin: JoesBBS.Com, Telnet:23 SSH:22 HTTP:80 (1:342/200)

George Pope wrote to All <=-

I have to ask.
When someone in your family is in the hospital to give birth, does the rest of
the family wait outside, looking at the hospital's chimney waiting for the white smoke?
That's supposed to designate a new Pope.

Nice one!

Yeah, but last time, the white smoke was coming out of my wife's ears because my son was HUUUGE!!


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-7
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)